


A drop in the ocean

by Elisexyz



Series: Mental Health Whump Timeless Challenge [6]
Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Christmas Isn't Canon, Gen, Introspection, Jessica Logan Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-02-28 23:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18766402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elisexyz/pseuds/Elisexyz
Summary: Jessica is trying, truly. It isn't all that easy.





	A drop in the ocean

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the prompt "Work" in the [Mental Health Whump Challenge by newisalwaysbetter](https://heytheredeann.tumblr.com/post/184648324764/mental-health-whump). Which was from a couple of days ago. Nobody is surprised, least of all me LOL.  
>    
>  This is part of my verse in which Wyatt and Jessica have twins (or will have, in this case), but it can be read as a stand-alone.  
>  Title from [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hZpo1ZJDxM).

Jessica has been trying to keep her head down.

She understands that most of the team is keeping her around half out of necessity and half out of decency towards Wyatt and their unborn children, and she doesn’t want to step on anybody’s toes. She has been trying to be kind when crossing paths with someone – as is inevitable when living in enclosed spaces –, but mostly she keeps to herself and works on her assignment.

It was Lucy’s idea: they needed an efficient way to squeeze all the available intel out of her, to make her betrayal official, and they opted for having her write it all down. A journal helped Flynn start this, so maybe a journal will help them finish it.

Jessica is no writer, never has been, but this needs to be efficient more than anything else. She starts out with a list of the locations that she can remember, secret bases, buildings that are secretly in their possession. She gets out all the names that she can think of, faces twisted in disgust at her snitching flashing before her eyes.

She’s also asked to talk about the missions that she’s taken part to, about how Rittenhouse actually works – “Know your enemy,” Denise said –, who’s in charge of whom— how they recruit people.

Some things Jessica is quick to get out on the page: they are impersonal, just facts, useful for strategy, and the sooner she writes them down the sooner she’ll be done with this. But there are other sections of this damn Rittenhouse encyclopaedia that she has an hard time getting out, memories that are somehow _fond_ to her and that she’s having an hard time forcing herself to see as the manipulation they actually were – some of those she can probably get away with skipping, they are not that insightful.

When she was asked why she left Rittenhouse, she told the truth: she doesn’t want any of this for her children, she isn’t going to stand for them being involved. What she glossed over was the exact event that made her come to that realization.

Jessica has never been involved with recruitment, not until recently, when Emma took over and seemed to be distrustful of everybody else around them.

There was a girl. Her name was Nicole, she was fifteen, dead parents, angry at the world, but brilliant. It wasn’t all that difficult to rope her into their organization, make her see the beauty of what they’re trying to accomplish, make her eyes sparkle at the thought of a worthy purpose being handed to her on a silver platter – Jessica smiled at the expression on her face, because she remembered the feeling.

She seemed like a good fit.

It didn’t take long for Nicole to change her mind, though. She called them sick and twisted, horrified at some of the means that had to be employed to complete their missions, and she didn’t stop until it was agreed that she’d get an out.

Jessica genuinely believed that she could just walk away: she was so new, she didn’t know enough to be a real threat.

A _miscalculation_ , Emma called her, her face twisting in a grimace of disappointment. Miscalculations, Jessica learned, have to be disposed of.

(The only thing that she could see was a little blonde girl with Wyatt’s eyes loudly rejecting her inheritance and getting shot in the head for it.)

Jessica knows that she’ll have to talk about Nicole, one way or the other, because that was her only experience with recruitment, but she has been putting it off. She thinks that she can compromise: she could simply try to draw a profile of the kind of person that Emma might target basing on her experience, but even _that_ makes her want to throw up.

She sighs, burying her face in her hands for a minute as she squeezes her burning eyes. Maybe she needs a break, she’s been at this for _hours_.

She can hear Jiya and Mason’s laughs echo down the hall, and it makes her stomach twist on itself, a wave of loneliness washing through her in spite of how much she tries to push it back – she has no right to ask anything of these people, but of Jiya least of all.

Maybe she should get up, close the door.

Before she can resolve to do that, though, she hears knocking. Startled, she sharply turns around, only to find that Denise is walking in, a neutral expression on her face.

“I’m going as fast as possible,” Jessica immediately assures. She reaches for a piece of paper that she set aside. “I remembered a few more bases, though. I haven’t been there in years, but they might still be useful.”

Denise purses her lips, accepting the list and scanning it with her eyes for a moment.

“Good,” she declares, nodding curtly. “That’s not what I’m here for, though.”

Jessica frowns, her brain scrambling to find a reason for Denise to actively seek her out in her bedroom: she didn’t do anything that she could be in trouble for, it’s too early to sneak her out for her next doctor’s appointment, the Lifeboat isn’t back yet—

Denise sets the paper aside, opening a box that Jessica had failed to notice was in her hands instead. She hands it out to her, and there are _cookies_ inside.

“What—?” Jessica asks, rightfully confused. Is she _really_ offering her cookies?

Maybe she’s hallucinating. Or she fell asleep in the middle of the day and she’s having a weird-ass dream. She isn’t sure she wants to wake up before trying one of those, though, they look delicious.

“I’m offering you a literal cookie,” Denise declares, casually. “For trying,” she adds. “You’ve been doing good work.”

“Oh,” Jessica breathes out, shifting a little on her seat. “I— thanks,” she adds, hesitantly, after a few moments of silence.

Denise nods in acknowledgement. “Michelle made them,” she explains. “I’m going to give them to the others too, but they tend to disappear quickly, so—” She holds out the box a little closer to her. “Take one.”

Jessica’s lips twist into a disbelieving smile as she quickly nods, grabbing the first cookie she can find even if the whole thing still feels a little weird and uncomfortable. She isn’t sure she should really be getting any praise, after everything – this is, after all, _her_ repaying _them_ after she betrayed them and they took her back in anyway –, but it still makes her feel horribly warm, and she can’t stop smiling.

“Thank you,” she says again.

Denise nods, before heading out. “Take a break, every now and then,” she adds, stopping on her way to the door. “We’ve been doing this without help for a while already, I think we can wait long enough for you to take a nap.”

Jessica snorts. “What a nice way to say I look like shit,” she comments, amused.

Denise just raises her eyebrows, offering a slight smile in return before going. Jessica only sits there, grinning to herself and suddenly feeling a lot less tired.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including: 
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> If you don’t want a reply, for any reason, feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!


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